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Wednesday Wind Down: Noted

This week, I learned a valuable lesson. I mean really learned it. You know how you know something, but then at some point, you know it? Well, that’s what happened while I was minding my merry business.

On Sunday, I had a conversation that left me uneasy for 3 days. My chest felt tight every time I thought about it. After all, I had extended so much grace toward this particular entity, and there I was in a conversation about something beyond my control. I told the person in charge that I wasn’t offended, but truthfully, I was trying not to be offended. I was calm at the moment, but on the way home, I vented to God about it but it didn’t help. I was still tinged.

classic photo of a woman holding a tea cup
Photo by Suzy Hazelwood on Pexels.com

I knew I wasn’t upset with the person in authority. After some deep me diving (my emotional intelligence is high), I tapped into the real reason I felt “some kinda way.” I hate for my character to be in question and that was the spot that Sunday’s conversation hit on. So, before bed, I prayed that God would take away my default setting of retraction. I wanted to decrease my workload from this entity and let them know why. I wanted to open the box of grace extensions and remind them how they were not reciprocated. Forcefully, I thanked God for the work and tried to settle into a slumber, but I kept tossing. Still don’t know how I got to sleep, so I’ll chalk it up to divine intervention.

Thanks to the YouTube ministry, I watched a sermon by Bishop T. D. Jakes called God Smells Honor on the way to work (it popped up twice). I had heard the story of Noah a plethora of times but never thought of how the very thing Noah built for safety was also a smelly mess. Just think… animal and human waste + one window. *shudder* Then, Bishop Jakes mentioned that he pastored a church of fewer than 100 members for 10 years in West Virginia. He said it was there that God developed his leadership, integrity, patience, discipline, etc. The main idea of this part in his sermon was that the very place that is uncomfortable, messy, or claustrophobic is the very place you need to grow. So, I paused the video and prayed another prayer that went something like this — “God, whatever it is that you’re trying to develop in me, I accept it. Please help me to understand what I need to learn while I’m here. It’s only going to make me better, so I’m open.”

woman closes her eyes raising her right hand
Photo by Asa Dugger on Pexels.com

Within seconds of that prayer, I received a phone call for more work from that same entity but a different person. Now, what if I was in a petty state of mind at the time of that call? I would have rationalized a reaction that would have actually stunted my growth and my income. Instead of saying no to the work, I said yes… with a clear heart. Then it clicked. The entity is my soil not my enemy. Anything else is smoke and mirrors.

That’s a tactic of the dark forces that be — to create a spirit of offense so that you essentially attack yourself while you’re under construction. You forfeit your growth opportunity and end up being stunted in that area. Maybe it’s something tangible like organization skills or intangible like patience. This is where the Word goes beyond Sunday and meets you in the middle of the road. The broken one that you don’t want to be on.

Tonight, I pray that you grow up and pray a grown prayer. I pray that you see the soil for what it is… a divinely-purposed place to develop something within you or extract something that could negatively affect your future self. I learned that this week in a new way. It’s not easy at all, but anything that has to be birthed, is going to be messy and as long as I allow the smoke and mirrors trick to work, I won’t be able to turn into the improved version of C. J. Wade. I won’t be able to show the version of Jesus that someone needs to see. After all, my character can stand on its own.

By the way, you’ll have to check out Bishop Jakes’ tie between the ark, a cocoon, and a mother’s womb… an epic correlation. 

Peace & Thanks for listening! Here’s to aerating that soil!

 

 

#bloglikecrazy: Peep My Prayers #23

Prayer: “Lord, please make this work. I really need this to work.”

Have you ever had all the eggs in one basket and you were hoping you weren’t an idiot for putting them there, but you had to wait it out to see if it was a dumb move or a smart step? Cool. I knew I had found my people.

It reminds me of the bridge in my favorite hymn “What A Friend We Have In Jesus” –

“O, what piece we often forfeit

O, what needless pain we bear

All because we do not carry

Everything to God in prayer.”

Sweethearts, I’ve had my fair share of forfeited peace. Plenty of moments where it was no one’s fault but mine. I saw the signs and walked straight into (or stayed in) the quicksand. Maybe I thought it was truly a smart step or I didn’t want to be deemed a quitter. Either way, I was still stuck in it. I’ve also experienced times when I took God at His Word and couldn’t ssee the dividends of doing so. Same prayer applied in each scenario.

Whatever it is that you’re in, pray for it to work. Now, here’s the kicker… when you do that, you relinquish your right to choose the avenue in which it will work out and in what capacity. It could mean that you don’t get the raise, but you increase in favor with your colleagues and supervisor. That happened to me. It could mean that you are let go under false pretenses, but you are released before the crap hits the fan and the workplace reeks of unethical behavior. That happened to me too. In essence, be prepared for all things to work together for the good of those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28).

I’m praying for you all. You got this and God’s got you. Peace and Thanks for listening! It will work out!

#bloglikecrazy: Peep My Prayers #17

Prayer: Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer.

Papers graded.

Water bottle ready.

Attendance sheet set.

Everything could be in place but right before my class began, I prayed this prayer. I knew I couldn’t teach those souls on my own. Regardless of my training, nothing could prepare me for what I could run into any given day as a high school and adult education teacher. It was a gift to be trusted with their vulnerable season of learning. Some of my adult students were transitioning from careers or life events that caused their worlds to tailspin. I knew that, with one word, I could either make their days better or worse. I definitely didn’t want to do the latter.

Words are so much more powerful than we give them credit for. In a classroom, in a boardroom, on a sports field… we have the opportunity to let God’s Love flow through our lips. I pray you’ll do the same this week. That prayer up there… it’s from Psalm 19:14, by the way. Say it everywhere you go. Through every threshold. In every family meeting. I guarantee He’ll help you with your words.

Peace and Thanks for listening, Sweethearts. I love y’all!

#bloglikecrazy: Peep My Prayers #15

Prayer: “I want to love You with no strings.”

I am a firm believer in loving with your whole heart. After all, what good is it to say “I love you” and harness what it entails? That has always boggled my mind. Even as a child, I wanted to give bubble gum CDs out of the fullness of my heart. I loved shopping for Valentine’s Day cards to give my classmates. Opening up wasn’t a fearful act until I was crushed. After that, I stopped buying gifts for a while because I didn’t want to be hurt again (and it was also hurting my pockets). Pretty standard story, right?

Well, without knowing it, I had applied that rationale to God too. I went through a season of being scared to share my whole self with Him. I would pray and not realize how restrictive I was with my insecurities, questions, painful parts, and broken heartstrings. One day, I decided to change that narrative. If I could love others like a free bird, why couldn’t I release that flow to my Creator?

All of you deserves to be loved — fully and without reserve. Go ahead and start the conversation. He knows you anyway. He made you with His good intentions and there is nothing else He wants from you other than unrestricted Love.

Peace & Thanks for listening, Sweetheart. Pray with any open heart. It’s worth it.

#bloglikecrazy: Peep My Prayers #14

Prayer: “Lord, please cover my words. I didn’t mean to say it like that. Just cover all of that, please. I’m so sorry. Let them know I didn’t mean it.”

I’ve said plenty of things that I didn’t mean. It may have come out of my mouth with a little more heat than I expected or it wasn’t as clear as the thought in my mind. Either way, I was put in a position where I couldn’t take it back or I couldn’t reach the person to fix it. Like a muddy pig, my words slipped out and there was no redeeming the moment.

One time, I was at an event where my team donated water. I mentioned over the mic that our water was cold and my team later tapped me on the shoulder to let me know that it could have been taken in a negative way… as if to throw shade at other water donors. That thought was the furthest thing from my mind when I said it and I couldn’t run back on stage to fix it. All I do was pray that prayer above. It may be small, but I never want to hurt anyone in word or deed — knowingly or unknowingly.

Sweethearts, it’s inevitable that your words will not adequately reflect your intent one day if it hasn’t already. I pray that you’re wise enough to own it and ask God for forgiveness. I’ve run into people that recalled me from an event and they had no clue what I was apologizing for. God always knows the heart. Remember that. And you’re not perfect. Remember that too. Just do your best to have a clear highway in your heart for God’s Love to always land.

prov 21.2

Peace & Keep Praying, Sweethearts. May God direct the words of us all and clarify our intentions toward each other.

#bloglikecrazy: Peep My Prayers #13

Prayer: “Lord, please help my friend.”

The worst feeling for me is wanting to provide assistance but something is blocking me from doing so. I’ve experienced blockages of both distance and spiritual directives when it came to those situations. There were times when I truly wanted to extend myself and God told me no. That hurt just as bad as not being physically present in their time of need. Now, my friends (and I don’t take that term lightly) know they can call me at any time. If I can, I will — they know that too, but what do you when your hands are tied? When you know that this is a lesson they have to learn on their own? When you want to do it for them, but you know it will handicap them instead? When you’re hundreds of miles away? I had to learn to release that control freak to God too.

I say this often — I’m not Jesus, but I do listen to Him. I can’t be everywhere for everybody. I can’t make every baby shower, wedding shower, bridal party, funeral, birthday party, retirement party, hospital stay, court hearing, church event… you get the point. Trust me, I tried and it was an exhausting lesson of my finite abilities. I had to make peace with that unfortunate truth and send prayers where my hands couldn’t reach. Sometimes, I’ve sent prayers and a PayPal blessing where my pockets permitted. Other times, I stopped what I was doing, tucked away in an empty classroom or closed the door to my office and interceded on their behalf. Whether through my hands or my lips, through a text message or through a hug, my friends are always on my prayer list and I have learned to let God move through me however he wishes in order to confirm His Love in their situation. I’ve gone through some doozies with my tribes, but they always appreciate prayer… and so do I.

Peace & Thanks for listening, Sweethearts! Keep praying for your friends and listening for your next steps! I love y’all!

#bloglikecrazy: Peep My Prayers #12

Prayer: “Thank you for my life. It may not be everything I thought it would be, but it’s not as bad as it could be. I appreciate where I am. Thank you for being here with me.”

I’ve had my fair share of close calls and downfalls. I could have lost my life due to car accidents alone (before I started driving) not to mention the other unfortunate situations that could have taken me out of the game. If you ask me, I believe I’ve had a spiritual hit on me for quite some time, but I’m still here.

Outside sentiments usually include “You’re so busy!” “What can’t you do?” “How do you make time for all of that? and “When do you get to rest?” If you only knew how often I thought my time was up and that I wouldn’t get the chance to realize my visions, you’d understand why my grind-rest balance is so strong. I also had seasons of bitterness (yeah, definitely more than one) because my social clock wasn’t ticking according to everyone else’s timetable. Then that prayer became a breathing point in my spirit to re-align myself with the truth. No, I don’t have the things I thought I would at this age, but I have had some groovy things transpire so far like international travel and exhilarating performances. Amazing food experiences and friend excursions full of joy and authenticity. Moments of supernatural solitude and beautiful loving relationships. I’ve gone deep-sea diving into myself and found gems unbeknownst to words. I have a clear sense of self, reverence for God, and a refined focus on my purpose. All before the age of 40. For that, I will be forever grateful.

I thank God for my life. All that it is. All that it isn’t. Everything it has yet to become.

Peace & Thanks for listening, Sweethearts! Keep praying and I am praying for you!

#bloglikecrazy: Peep My Prayers #11

Prayer: “Lord, please help the homeless. Watch over them all wherever they are. Keep them safe from harm. Please protect them from the weather. Please keep them warm and let help find them soon.”

While the words transient and homeless are still debatable, the fact remains that there are people that do not have a formidable structure in which to live. My heart aches for them, but when the weather is strong, I say this prayer. Every time. The truth is that many Americans are a couple of paychecks away from losing their homes due to lopsided debt-to-income ratio, illness, or lack of income altogether. The part deux of that truth is without multiple jobs or help from friends and family, a lot of us wouldn’t be where we are today.

My church collaborates with a ministry organization that meets the physical and spiritual needs of the homeless community in Birmingham, Alabama. I volunteer with them at times and one day I met a man who intrigued me (I won’t use his name with respect). He asked for prayer and was happy to do so. After we prayed, I asked the burning question… what his life was like before he lived here. He explained how successful his cleaning business was in another state and that he came to Birmingham to help a sick family member. Unfortunately, the family member abused his assistance and eventually, he lost his job and his home trying to help his loved one. That moment of humanity will forever be etched into my spirit. His smile. His “It’s OK. I’ll be fine” attitude. The warmth of his heart. I think about him often… hoping that I’ll see him again.

What I have to remember is that God is everywhere I can’t be. He is with him and my other homeless brothers and sisters. He is with the mentally ill. He is with the veterans. I don’t know the why and I can’t help everyone, so my prayer will remain where my hands can not reach.

When you get a chance, add the forgotten to your real prayer list. Who knows? You may be the answered prayer they have been waiting for.

Peace & Thanks for listening!

#bloglikecrazy: Peep My Prayers #10

Welcome to Day 10 of #bloglikecrazy! Thanks for hanging with me! If you’re just joining in, I’m sharing real prayers I have prayed to encourage others to be honest with themselves and transparent with God.

Prayer: “Lord, thank you for my car. Thank you for my car. Just let me make it home with no problems. Lord, let it keep running.”

Vehicles are considered luxuries to some agencies, but I beg to differ. When you don’t live near public transit like me, a car is the means to acquire income. Mind you, this prayer was pre-ridesharing companies. My biggest fear at that time? Depending upon someone for continuous transportation. I didn’t want to puncture my pride and be a burden to my circle. Not that my car would stop on the side of the road. Not that I would experience a financial burden. Pride. That was the dark cloud hovering overhead. So, I prayed… out of pride, not out of fear of being stranded.

Although my words were flaw-filled, I meant them whole-heartedly and that wasn’t the last time I prayed that prayer. Every time, I just wanted to get home safely. And you know what? He heard me anyway. It may be small to someone else, but sputtering along until I made it home was the only item at the forefront of my mind. At the core of my prayer communication, I defaulted to what I knew — be grateful for what I had and pray for what I needed. Desperation will make you do that.

I pray that you’ll let desperation release from your lips whenever necessary. I’ve learned to do that often in His Presence without shame. It’s a beautiful surrender to be honest with God. Try it. Breathe. Try it again.

Peace & Thanks for listening!

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