conversation

Wednesday Wind Down: Shush

Hi, Family!

I’m going to jump right in, OK? Great.

Do you have moments when you reeeeeeeeally want to speak up, but you know it would be a waste of breath? I mean, a true expulsion of your precious oxygen?

Me too. So, how do you handle it?

In those moments, an tidal wave of itchy annoyance barrels through my core. My listening elevates to a hypersensitivity mode like I’m a seasoned member of the X-Men. It feels like someone turned a secret volume knob behind my ears. I may stretch my neck a little, but my default internal setting is to throttle down to quietness. Like non-existent audio. When this mode is activated, I know it is best for me to hush, work on something else, or leave the area.

Can you relate? Do you have moments when it is best for you to shut up, but the words are bouncing between your jaws like they are in a WWE match waiting for a chance to tag team someone’s comment and break through your lips? It can be downright frustrating, but the icing on the cake is when your intelligence is insulted.

Whew. Y’all… the evil forces know this is an area of progress for me. When someone combats with false information, THEN dismisses my well-informed input…? That’s it. Cue the X-Men ears and wrestling ring of words ready to break out. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does, the Holy Spirit has to tighten my bridle.

Don’t get me wrong – there are divine opportunities for clarity and structure to be verbalized. The key word is divine. Every moment of discourse is not designated for your mouth to open. You have to know when those times are set before you and when they are a trap. Check out the following verse –

Even fools are thought wise when they keep silent; with their mouths shut, they seem intelligent.
– Proverbs 17:28 (New Living Translation)

Every time I read this verse, I feel seen… terribly. The scenario usually goes a little something like this –

God: “Daughter, even fools know when to shut up.”
Me: “But, God, for real?! Seriously?! Do you hear this foolishness?”
God: “Ma’am.” *insert heavenly side-eye*
Me: “But, they act like I don’t know what I’m talking about… and I have degrees and professional experience in this stuff! Who do they think they’re talking to?”
God: “And what do you think it will accomplish? They aren’t listening.”
Me: “I know, I know… it’s not worth it…”
God: “Nope. Keep your mouth shut and keep it movin’.”

Family, I know it’s tempting to tell them off and flex your intellectual muscles or share your life experience to help them taste humility. It’s tempting to be petty and shut the conversation down, but it’s simply not worth it. The truth is – and hear me out – sometimes, it’s better just letting them think you don’t know anything.

I saw that face.

I know that face.

I make it too.

But when you do the math, your breath and your peace are too valuable for some conversations. I’ve had to calculate the probability of understanding on many occasions and be at peace with the outcome. The truth is that some people like to swirl in a caldron of complaints and ear-tickling information. They only drink what they pour. They never seek to comprehensively understand. Never. Let them tell it, the apocalypse is going to happen in a few minutes because a law doesn’t fit their preferences. In their world, discriminatory practices are figments of political imagination. And that can make you angry enough to explode… especially when you’re unheard or dismissed. The honest response that tap-dances in my spirit is “I teach social sciences and you’re trying to school me by using incorrect or insanely biased data? You’re seriously trying to tell me a historical event didn’t take place? Can you even tell me how a bill becomes a law? You don’t get to talk to me about ANYTHING relating to immigration, civil rights infringement, gun control, or any other soundbite you choose to cook on the stove of your mind. Miss me with that.”

…aaaand that’s why the Holy Spirit has to oil up that bridle. *sigh* What good will that rant do? Why stir up a conversation with someone who has already decided that they will not listen? In communications class, we say the ultimate goal of communication is a shared understanding. Unfortunately, understanding can not be shared until both parties are willing to listen… willing to exchange compassion. If this cannot be detected, I highly encourage you to hold your tongue and your peace… then unleash your frustration elsewhere in a healthy way.

I leave you with this just in case you need it at the family table or in the conference room soon –

A man of knowledge restrains his words, and a man of understanding maintains a calm spirit.
– Proverbs 17:27

Calm doesn’t mean there isn’t activity beneath the ocean’s surface. It means it has a boundary that isn’t remote controlled. I’m not asking you to mute yourself. I’m encouraging you to assess and act accordingly instead of jumping into every pool of dialogue. I’m asking you not to take the bait. I’m asking you to think of the long game instead of the short reward. I’m asking you to allow the Holy Spirit to be your Guide. It’s worth it; I’m living proof.

You got this and I got your back. *fist bump*

Peace & Thanks for listening! Stay well out there!

September 29, 2021 0

Wednesday Wind Down: The Invisibles

Hi, Family!

I hope you had a good day. If not, it just got better. I prayed for you this week and here’s the shortstop Word I was given to share.

One of my consistent prayers is to see the heart of people. To peer past the surface and listen to the heartbeat God placed within these bodies. Let me warn you – this is one of those real prayers. It’s not an easy feat to penetrate a heavy armor of hatred and seek the root of a person. Honestly, it takes practice (but doesn’t all of this thing call faith take practice?).

After praying that request some years ago, my natural empathy boosted 10 times over. It felt like an overload some days. I walked by a woman one day and realized her retail therapy was an attempt to hush her grief-stricken heart. I spoke to her and she cried. Moments like that began to multiply and I found myself praying the following: “Lord, how many of us are there? How many of us are walking with invisible scars, aches, and pains? How many of us do we not see?” The answer I heard – “Everywhere.”

Every day, the Invisibles are among us. They work with us, shop with us, and even live with us. Some are strangers we love and some are family we despise. Some hold stark opinions that can make your blood boil. Newsflash: Our faith calls us to Love them too.

Now, I’m not telling you to act like a licensed professional and diagnose everyone you meet. I am challenging you to see beyond. Since we do not know what a person is experiencing, it would behoove us to act like Jesus and show compassion to all. Since some battles are invisible, it would be wise not to pass judgment to anyone. Since we do not live in each other’s skin, we should watch our mouths. Our words alone could repel someone from seeing the essence of our beliefs. So, since we don’t know, we should be quiet. Be still. Check in with the Holy Spirit and check our circles of influence. Be for real and ask God to illuminate and eliminate our blind spots . We should show that overwhelming Love that was shown to us.

It doesn’t take much. It just takes kindness. An extra tip to your server. An open door for a person who is carrying a load. An encouraging text to someone you admire. A listening ear to someone who feels unheard. A sincere compliment. It takes an extension of yourself past that prayer.

So let’s make grace contagious. Let’s move past the familiar and into the invisible. Let’s see the fingerprint of God in people and Love them as we are commanded to do.

Stay well out there and, in case you haven’t heard it recently, I love you and I’m proud of you. You’re still here and you made it this far.

Peace & Thanks for listening!

June 16, 2021 0

#bloglikecrazy: Open Letter #14

Shawn!

You would be having a complete field day right about now! For real!

Between the pandemic and pandering politics, we would be having the best conversations if you were still here. Seriously. Your wit would be making me laugh aloud and you would be amen-ing your frat brother Roland Martin’s commentary per usual. I can hear your quips as I type — coming at me like rapid fire.

Can you believe that people are making political stances about wearing facial coverings to slow the spread of a virus? I just heard you chuckle. lol

Science. That was your jam and I know you would have something sarcastic to say about all of this. We would probably chat around mid-afternoon and about the latest foolishness concerning our country and the world-at-large. Our conversation would undoubtedly include the current state of educational affairs be it that you were an exceptional educator. You were the physics half and I was the social half of our scientific duo, but we met in the middle when it came to distress of public education. *insert fist bump here*

Part of me is glad you’re not here to experience this mess and part of me wishes you were so we could decompress at length. You said I was the pontificator between the two of us, but seriously… that was you. You knew how to make a kid’s meal out of the most difficult math and physics problems. The context in which all of this craziness is floating is complex to say the least — the perfect ingredients for your beautiful mind.

We would be having some hilarious conversations right now, my friend. I believe that. We had finally reached that place before you left Earth and for that I am grateful.

Rest In Peace,

CJW

November 14, 2020 0

Wednesday Wind Down: Noted

This week, I learned a valuable lesson. I mean really learned it. You know how you know something, but then at some point, you know it? Well, that’s what happened while I was minding my merry business.

On Sunday, I had a conversation that left me uneasy for 3 days. My chest felt tight every time I thought about it. After all, I had extended so much grace toward this particular entity, and there I was in a conversation about something beyond my control. I told the person in charge that I wasn’t offended, but truthfully, I was trying not to be offended. I was calm at the moment, but on the way home, I vented to God about it but it didn’t help. I was still tinged.

classic photo of a woman holding a tea cup — Photo by Suzy Hazelwood on Pexels.com

I knew I wasn’t upset with the person in authority. After some deep me diving (my emotional intelligence is high), I tapped into the real reason I felt “some kinda way.” I hate for my character to be in question and that was the spot that Sunday’s conversation hit on. So, before bed, I prayed that God would take away my default setting of retraction. I wanted to decrease my workload from this entity and let them know why. I wanted to open the box of grace extensions and remind them how they were not reciprocated. Forcefully, I thanked God for the work and tried to settle into a slumber, but I kept tossing. Still don’t know how I got to sleep, so I’ll chalk it up to divine intervention.

Thanks to the YouTube ministry, I watched a sermon by Bishop T. D. Jakes called God Smells Honor on the way to work (it popped up twice). I had heard the story of Noah a plethora of times but never thought of how the very thing Noah built for safety was also a smelly mess. Just think… animal and human waste + one window. *shudder* Then, Bishop Jakes mentioned that he pastored a church of fewer than 100 members for 10 years in West Virginia. He said it was there that God developed his leadership, integrity, patience, discipline, etc. The main idea of this part in his sermon was that the very place that is uncomfortable, messy, or claustrophobic is the very place you need to grow. So, I paused the video and prayed another prayer that went something like this — “God, whatever it is that you’re trying to develop in me, I accept it. Please help me to understand what I need to learn while I’m here. It’s only going to make me better, so I’m open.”

woman closes her eyes raising her right hand — Photo by Asa Dugger on Pexels.com

Within seconds of that prayer, I received a phone call for more work from that same entity but a different person. Now, what if I was in a petty state of mind at the time of that call? I would have rationalized a reaction that would have actually stunted my growth and my income. Instead of saying no to the work, I said yes… with a clear heart. Then it clicked. The entity is my soil not my enemy. Anything else is smoke and mirrors.

That’s a tactic of the dark forces that be — to create a spirit of offense so that you essentially attack yourself while you’re under construction. You forfeit your growth opportunity and end up being stunted in that area. Maybe it’s something tangible like organization skills or intangible like patience. This is where the Word goes beyond Sunday and meets you in the middle of the road. The broken one that you don’t want to be on.

Tonight, I pray that you grow up and pray a grown prayer. I pray that you see the soil for what it is… a divinely-purposed place to develop something within you or extract something that could negatively affect your future self. I learned that this week in a new way. It’s not easy at all, but anything that has to be birthed, is going to be messy and as long as I allow the smoke and mirrors trick to work, I won’t be able to turn into the improved version of C. J. Wade. I won’t be able to show the version of Jesus that someone needs to see. After all, my character can stand on its own.

By the way, you’ll have to check out Bishop Jakes’ tie between the ark, a cocoon, and a mother’s womb… an epic correlation.

Peace & Thanks for listening! Here’s to aerating that soil!

February 26, 2020 4

Wednesday Wind Down: Bypass

Happy Wednesday, Sweethearts.

I have a little example for us, but it will still be a shortstop (500 words or less). Are you ready? Great!

Imagine a neighborhood where Love walks around like a 6-foot model wearing a floor-length silk robe. Every step is like art walking. She’s majesty in human form. She smiles with the warmth of a soft spring sun, and as she walks down each street, life spreads. Grass is green. Flowers are in bloom. She’s beautiful and free. Her light flows into every house, on every block, and into every heart.

Now, let’s talk about the heart, more specifically a damaged one. If a heart’s function is impaired and a person’s life is at risk, a doctor may suggest coronary bypass surgery. This requires a healthy blood vessel to be taken from one part of the body and transplanted to the heart in order to create an alternate (and more efficient) route for blood to flow. If this is difficult for you to visualize, just think of your nearest interstate. The bypass was created to alleviate traffic congestion. Not sure if your commute includes one? Here’s a clue: it usually has 3 digits.

i-059_nb_exit_137_03 — *Photo courtesy of AARoads*

One of the realities about the heart is that a damaged one can only be repaired to a certain extent; otherwise, it must be replaced. A bypass is designed to create a new pathway for blood to bring life to the rest of the body, but it is not a transplant.

With that said, let’s tie up the loose ends.

Right now, there are formerly covert ideologies that are showing like a woman’s white slip at a country church. Why? Because there is toxic congestion where the Blood of Jesus should be flowing. Everyone might as well be honking each other during rush hour. You may hear racist comments at the store or made to feel that you are incompetent at work. Perhaps you even heard some of those comments at church. No place seems to be safe except the heart and it’s difficult to love people who view you as inferior. Here’s a reminder that I have to constantly tell myself; they aren’t the problem — their hearts are. I know it seems they will forever be saturated in ignorant privilege, but trust me. It’s a heart thing. Wherever Blood flows, there is Life.

So, wouldn’t it be great to create a bypass for Love to walk freely like that model up there? For Life to grow and bloom wherever she goes? Guess what… you can. Every time you arm yourself with facts instead of sensationalism, you create a bypass. When you perform in excellence, that’s a bypass.

It is imperative that keep your vessel as clear as possible. Create a bypass. Make it a quadruple one if you have to. The down lookers will get over it.

Peace & Thanks for listening! By the way — yes, this post made it in the shortstop category. 🙂

*Photo courtesy of YouVersion – The Bible App*

February 5, 2020 0

Listening at the Speed of Life

– by C. J. Wade –

Tag

Wednesday Wind Down: Shush

Wednesday Wind Down: The Invisibles

#bloglikecrazy: Open Letter #14

Wednesday Wind Down: Noted

Wednesday Wind Down: Bypass

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