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intimacy

Wednesday Wind Down: BOOM

I’m winding down after administering final exams to my students and I kept asking God what to share with you tonight. Nothing seemed to fit, so on my way home yesterday, I asked again and I got the answer. Simple, but ruthless.

It cut me to the core because I’m an intimate relationship person. I have an outer court and an inner court, but sometimes I want everyone on the court. (lol) And I’m sure God looks down from heaven, shaking His head wondering why His daughter keeps roping people into such a sanctimonious space, but I forget at times. Then my heart gets hurt, I feel disrespected, or I get angry when all I had to do was remember the first lesson.

So, tonight, this is your reminder too. Let your friends flow in different orbits. You’re still in the same universe. You’re not required to rope everyone in. Do what you can, but keep the courts separate. That’s not being mean, bitter, or rude. It’s being wise, healthy, and purposeful.

And ain’t nothing wrong with that.

Peace & Love you, Sweetheart. Wind down safely.

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#bloglikecrazy: Day 25 – Open

CAUTION: Sexual-spiritual theory ahead.

A thought came to me while watching a kissing scene in Frankie and Johnny (1991; starring Al Pacino and Michelle Pfeiffer). What can I say? I like 90s movies.

Have you ever wondered why mouth-to-mouth kissing is deemed so intimate? I have. And I think I’ve finally able to put it into words. Try to keep your mind open as we ride together in my train of thought. It’s going somewhere. Promise.

STOP #1: The Mouth

Our mouths are powerful instruments. They can receive and give. You may have heard that life and death are in the power of the tongue (Proverbs 18:21) and I believe this is true. When I was growing up and would say something negative, my mother always respond with “You have what you say.” The tongue is an extension of the soul. As I tell my students, “Who you are will come out of your mouth.” So, since the mouth can reveal the thoughts and feelings of a person and we are subject to eat the fruit of what we say, we often (or we should) choose to use it carefully. Something happens when we taste our food and we taste others. It is an intimate connection. That’s why people choose not to kiss mouth-to-mouth until they are comfortable in doing so, or they wish to kiss on the first date to detect chemistry. Taking it a step further, when we speak, we are in the beginning stages of intimacy.

STOP #2: The Hands

Our hands are the second extension of the soul. We reach out when we’re in want of something or someone. Hugs are essential to emotional development in children and quite frankly, adults need them too. Why else would it be a hello, goodbye, miss you, love you, it’s okay form of contact? Our hands touch so much throughout the day, but during sex, they explore the body of our partner. We glide our hands to understand what is in front of us, and we essentially talk with our fingertips. What we can’t say with our mouths, we communicate through our touch.

STOP #3: Below the Belt

Open mouths correlate with other open areas ready for sexual pleasure. Here is where the circle of intimacy that began with the mouth ends. Sexual intercourse provides a language that expresses the soul’s deepest desire – to be connected. Genital openings of both parties are ready to give and receive from each other – just as the mouth in STOP #1. And in the case of genitalia (and ear canals), meatus refers to the same thing – a passage or opening leading to the interior of the body. So, in other words, intercouse gives us a glimpse into the inner sanctum of the person we choose to sexually enjoy. The decrease of inhibition, reasoning, and muscle control provide the neuroscientific proof that one is the raw version of her- or himself during the orgasmic phase of sexual response cycle. The receipt of pleasure and the giving of bodily fluids constitute as a spiritual exchange as well.

The Junction

Let’s go back to where we started – the intimacy of kissing. If you look at each “stop,” you could see a yearning of two spirits trying to connect past their humanity. When we kiss, we touch. When we touch, we feel. When we feel, we merge. Kissing one’s lips is deemed intimate because every opening we have is a portal to our spirit – the inner core of who we are. We have receptor cells all over our bodies to tell our brains that we are sensing stimuli; therefore, what we nonverbally say through a kiss, communicates through our hands and our sexual drive follows suit. It’s a spiritual circle trying to connect through human form – from top (mouth) to bottom (below the belt). That’s why oral sex falls along my same theory of the mouth being a powerful spiritual instrument. The connectivity is still there.

STOP #4: The Terminal

We have a need, a drive even, to be loved intimately. That’s the kind of God that made us, after all. Having someone that spiritually completes your circle is intimacy at its best. So, when people ask why you’re celibate or why you’re a virgin, you can tell them that you’re not open for business; you’re closed for intimacy. *smile*

I chose this topic because I believe the more we discuss issues that have been made taboo, the better we can walk out this thing called Christianity. Sex was ordained by God to be a beautiful interaction, not a dirty word.

Thanks for riding in my train of thought. You’ve gotten a glimpse into my take on things… what’s yours?

Peace & Thanks for listening!

#bloglikecrazy: Day 21 – Pause

Have you ever looked at the calendar and realized that you haven’t spent time with someone? I have, and this year, I became more vocal about it to certain people that came to mind.

My sisterfriend from college and I made a pact to remedy the “Let’s get together, but we never do” syndrome by setting dates to eat and chat. We may have to squeeze it in, but we make it happen… even if it’s for an hour. While family and work demands have changed since college and we are now forced to pull out our phones and make appointments with each other, we don’t judge each other’s schedules and we don’t mind the effort of collaborating availability.

She’s a productive professional, non-profit regulator, live music enthusiast, wife, and mother. She could easily say that she doesn’t have time, but she never does. Neither do I. We make time to pause.

I practice the same pact with other beautiful people in my life. It works for me… to press pause in other other’s lives to say “How are you?” instead of reading about what they are doing on their timelines. Social media is a great way to monitor the happenings of people we love and network with people we need, but I don’t believe it should be a substitute for intimate connections among those you hold dear. The next thing you know, it’s November, and your bestie is just another person that you scroll through on your phone screen when you could converse in real life using the same device.

With whom do you need to pause? Consider reaching out to your inner circle or those you wish to draw closer and simply tell them that you need to press the button with them. It may be a weekender or a 30-minute video call, but your relationship (and you) will be better for it and with all of the technological advances we have, distance isn’t an excuse. Put it on your calendar and keep the appointment. Make intimacy a priority. After all, those responsibilities aren’t going anywhere. They are guaranteed to be present everyday; people are not.

Peace & Thanks for listening!

Photo courtesy of AndroidOS.in

#bloglikecrazy: Day 18 – Together

Three people. One day. All the feels.

It began with a tutoring appointment with a former student who is determined not to let anything stop her from graduating, including her English paper. I challenged her and she made me laugh. She stepped outside of her essay-writing comfort zone and I helped her see her thoughts on paper. She left the session equipped and excited to keep going. It reminded me of one of my favorite quotes and made me proud to be an educator.

Next, I had lunch with sweet friend from high school. She and I were in band together and I always thought her hair color and freckles were cool. She had a quiet strength that I admired and we became friends quickly. Now that we’re grown, we had grown-folk conversation and it was lovely. We vented, we cried, we laughed. I was proud to be a friend… and her freckles and hair color still rock.

Then, it was time for my cousin’s baby shower which, might I add, was a night time swag affair. Live music, baby shower games, good food and laughs made this shower worth the cold rainy drive. I’m well acquainted with both parents, so it was great to anticipate my new cousin’s arrival. As I helped clean up, the running theme was clear. I was proud to be family.

Afrer all three settings, the word that stuck out was TOGETHER. My former student’s essay challenge wasn’t so mountainous after we met for tutoring. My friend and I didn’t feel alone in our life lessons after lunch. My family’s shower was better because everyone could share the experience. On that day, life was better together. 

Sweethearts, I pray that if you’re feeling lonely and life’s bumps are giving you bruises, that you remember that you are not alone. Lonely and alone are not the same. You can feel lonely in a crowded room. I’ve been there, and wisdom has taught me that you have someone who wants to be better together with you. Be careful, but let her or him in your heart’s circle and watch the healing begin. We were not designed to do life alone. Your problems may not go away quicker, but you’ll be stronger together as the storm passes by.

Peace & Thanks for listening!

#bloglikecrazy: Day 4 – Intimacy is IN

After reading Psalm 139

Wow.

You know everything.

Sometimes, I forget that.

In all of my humanity, I try to remind you of things I deem important. The urgency of replaying the days’ events and life’s intolerable moments weighs heavier than your grace at that time. It’s sad, actually… how I discredit your omnipotence, omniscience, and omnipresence. I know you don’t mind my questions and misunderstandings of your commands, but Your ways are still far above mine.

I cannot compare my thoughts with Yours.

You knew everything before it was everything. You know every detail of my life… every artery near my heart, every exhale I release. You don’t need a notice. You created it. You created me. Even the parts I don’t like. They serve a purpose too.

So, search all of me since You know it all. Search the dark places I try to hide from You. Clear out the cobwebs and scrub the hardened layers around my scars. You are and will always be the perfect lover of my soul and I need to trust You more. I need to let you IN.

Intimacy is what we crave from others, but rarely give to You. There’s no way to relinquish control to someone else in a romantic relationship without allowing You in first. It’s the opposite of how You made us. Inside of our hearts is where You belong and where You long to be. You don’t need us; You want us. You want in…and being intimate with You starts within me.

Peace & Thanks for listening.

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