personal development

Good Day, Monday: See It Through

Hey, Family!

How’s the holiday weekend going? I hope you are having a good one.

Welcome to Episode 4. Are you ready? Let’s do it.

We started season 5 by creating context around my word of the year, SHINE. We talked about how you can’t shine without friction. Now, we’re going to be encouraged to see the process through to completion.

Did you know that you can’t polish silver in the same way you polish copper and brass?

Did you know scrubbing too hard will ruin a copper’s finish?

Did you know brass can be cleaned with ketchup?

Here’s my point – God is so intentional with us that even our journeys are customized to what we need to produce. If your patience needs work before opening the restaurant you didn’t know was coming, here comes the process. Your best self is always in the mind of the Creator.

Another thing to consider is how that solution looks when it is applied to the metal.

There’s nothing pretty about it.

The metal is covered with a paste- or butter-like substance and the process gets dirtier before it gets cleaner. While it looks like it’s tainting the metal, the rubbing, scrubbing, and wiping reveal what was waiting to receive the light. Waiting to show its beauty effortlessly.

And when you look at the polishing rag, it’s unbelievable how dirty it is compared to the metal’s brightness. The substance lifted the barrier between the metal’s potential and the light. That spoke to me because it describes the transition season I’m in.

There’s nothing pretty about that rag either.

It’s a reflection of everything that stuck on you over time.

The invisible factors that caused you to tarnish and appear worthless.
The way you were mishandled.
The decisions you made.
The not-so-great parts of you.
The things you need lifted from your soul, but couldn’t do yourself.

The polishing rag holds the ugly parts of you that are masking the amazing. So, one of my recent prayers has been, “I know you’re helping me shine. Help me to be patient as you’re lifting the parts off me that I don’t need. Remove the residue and reveal the me you see. Let me reflect Your face.”

For me, the rag found a spot of perfectionism left behind from years ago and it was stubborn enough to paralyze some of my behavior last year. It was invisible until the process brought it to the surface. Then I had to deal with it through acknowledgement and apology. I called each person to ask for forgiveness because that’s what the shining process creates – change. Notice I didn’t say perfection because that would mean it would never get dirty again, so I thank God that He continues to polish me. His Word continues to show me who I am and who I was meant to be. His Love washes over me and I can walk clean.

If you’re in the middle of being shined, stay encouraged to see it through. Don’t quit before you feel the light on your face. And don’t feel ashamed of your process. Yours may not look like someone else’s.

You are brilliant underneath. You are brilliant within. Keep going. Keep opening yourself up to the Father. Keep being vulnerable enough to say “I’m sorry.” Keep being subject to change… for the better.

Peace & Thanks for listening. I love y’all. Stay safe out there.

CJW

An audio version of this post is on my podcast. Will you share it with someone? I appreciate it!

September 2, 2024 0

Good Night, Tuesday: Double Entendre

Welcome back, Family!

Thank you for listening to yesterday’s episode. Let’s go deeper.

Annually, I tell you how amazing August has been. I give an uplifting recap of my weekly self-care experiences and inspire you to enjoy your own… and I’ll circle back to that. I assure you the sweet overrode the bitter, but I want to start with a fresh lesson learned.

Earlier this year, I had a revelation that all of my systems needed an overhaul. From the way I packed for work to how I scheduled email responses.

Humans made electronics to communicate when something isn’t working. To let you know repair or replacement is inevitable. God made humans with the same error messages and I saw a dashboard full of them. What I did to accomplish everything so far… what I did to get me here, was not going to get me there. There’s a next chapter unfolding and prior systems were appreciated, yet obsolete. So, I began evaluating big things and the minutiae. I delegated some duties and voiced my needs where necessary. So, I was hoping to slow the train down a bit until an unexpected conflict occurred.

Then that word from January floated to the surface of my spirit again – SHINE. Little-minded-January me thought “Oh… I’m going to learn how to let God shine through me with no limitations. Got it. Check.”

Not quite. That was just half of the revelation. I received the other half this month while I drove home from work.

To make something shine, it has to experience friction. Some sort of cleaning or excavation has to occur to debride the dulling agents from its brilliance. The item has to be discovered, cleaned, buffed, and exposed to light. It doesn’t shine without the work.

People’s eyes don’t usually sparkle at raw, uncut diamonds. To the untrained eye, it’s an ugly rock, but to the expert, it’s pressurized art.

See, it’s easy to say “Keep shining!” to someone who is smiling, but for someone who is in the polishing process… who is experiencing the beating heat of the sun instead of its comforting warmth, that phrase has a whole new meaning. It requires them to wake up and find their smile. To meditate on an uplifting message on their morning commute. To pray on their lunch break. To accept degrading treatment at work. It requires them to commit to the shining process.

The friction.
The buffing.
The cleaning.

They have to discover that they have the capacity to shine and repel the judgement. And once something is shined, it doesn’t stay that way. It must be maintained. Dust, water, and air can cause the item to appear worthless over time. What a blessing it is that we have Someone who always sees our worth… that always sees our shine, even through the magnifying glass of our tears.

That’s what I had to remember this month. My value is never diluted. My worth will never decrease. I can be obscure or highly visible and be exceptional in both arenas. I don’t care what’s happening to me or around me. I don’t relish in who sees me and who doesn’t. I simply shine. I emit the brilliance God created. I have El Elohim’s fingerprints on my skin; there’s no need to let anything less than that Truth seep into my heart.

I’m determined to keep working on that alerting dashboard. There’s a lot more shine left and in the words of renown author Marianne Williamson – “ …And as we let our own light shine, We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.”

Peace & Thanks for listening… and if you’re having a bad day, it just got better.

An audio of this post can be found on my podcast Listening at the Speed of Life.

Love y’all!

CJW

August 28, 2024 0

Wednesday Wind Down: Underwear, Overlook

Happy Wednesday, Family!

I’m excited to connect with you in another season of the blog, and this season starts with something we all know — underwear.

I bought new underwear today. Now, don’t get it twisted. I don’t own holey, raggedy pairs. So, why did I buy new ones? Great question. Grab some tea and let me tell you.

I was in the store getting some quick necessary items. As I walked toward the checkout area, I passed by home decor and thought “One day, I’ll be able to buy what I want without caring for the price. I’ll buy it because I like it and it’s for me.” I’ve never been a retail-therapy girl, but I’ve always been a gut shopper. I have to love it or I won’t buy it. It has to make sense to me. Once I’m locked in on it, it’s a done deal.

So, I kept floating through this mini-prayer as my feet led me past the vases, pillows, and plush seating. The soft colors and textures lured me into their lair, so I stood in a trance for a minute. Slowly blinking and imagining. Virtually placing furniture pieces in my future forever home. I was daydreaming and I was enjoying it. I sighed and kept walking, but I wasn’t sad. Longing, but not sad.

Then, a seedling of annoyance grew into an epiphany.

I need new underwear. Like all new underwear.

I have a variety of styles, so I was specifically looking for casual comfort. Now, we’re family around here, so you’ll just keep reading without judgment, OK? OK, great.

I felt this overwhelming urge to buy underwear… to buy what I needed. To replace the old and walk in the new – literally. Suddenly, my feet had a mind of their own and I meandered through the store and into the underwear section. Then I sighed again.

This was ridiculous. Why was I overanalyzing the purchase of a necessary item? Is that not what I came into the store to buy? Well… no. I didn’t come to buy underwear, but yes, I came to buy what was necessary. And there I was looking at the display and second-guessing my next move.

Why? Because I have plenty of underwear at home, but I don’t wear them.

*Don’t freak out. This is not my underwear.*
*Photo by ud83dudc34chuanyu2015 on Pexels.com.*

I don’t wear 98% of my underwear because they are uncomfortable. Too tight here, not enough tightness there, fabric feels weird on my skin, lace feels scratchy, and we won’t talk about wedgies. Just uncomfortable. I rotate the regular players and even I get sick of looking at them on the field every week. This coming from a former Victoria’s Secret associate who knows her way around undergarments of all kinds. What a waste I was making of that product knowledge.

So, why do I still have the unusable underwear? Because somewhere in this amazing brain of mine, I think one day they will fit perfectly and I just need to keep them until they do. I paid for them and I don’t want to waste my money. Whatever the truthy-lie was, it had stopped working. I was done with overlooking my underwear conundrum. There was no excuse why I should keep players on the bench knowing I’ll never play them.

Mmmm…, I thought, they may not be on sale today.

Turns out they were. Quality, cute underwear on sale. Comfortable, cute underwear on sale.

So, I bought 4 pair. And I smiled at my spiritual victory over the scarcity mindset once again. It likes to creep up on me at the oddest of times, like in a normal store run for deodorant and toothbrushes.

But today, it didn’t win. And the next time, it won’t either. I plan to keep winning until it becomes normal too.

*Photo by cottonbro studio on Pexels.com*

How long will you be comfortable with discomfort… mediocre… unrest? Something you don’t have to deal with but you keep telling yourself a truthy-lie to keep you comfortable in it.

How long will you deprive yourself of what you need, what you rightfully should own… like joy, peace, and Love?

How many more times will you denounce the authority God has already given you?

That drawer at home is full of underwear that I don’t use and won’t use, yet it takes up space where something else can live. It’s wasted real estate and I had become comfortable with it for years. A few pair would be discarded here and there, but the truth was that I was holding on to something that was wasting space.

What are you holding on to that is wasting space in your heart? I believe God has so much more for us than we allow. That’s why my recent prayer has been “Expand my arms to hold what you have for me.” I can’t say I want better and have my fists outstretched toward heaven. God needs them open, wide open.

I plan to keep winning.
I plan to keep opening my arms.
I plan to keep praying for guidance out of old habits.

I pray you do the same.

Peace & Thanks for listening!

CJW

April 17, 2024 1

Wednesday Wind Down: Appreciate the Mess

Hi, Family!

I hope you’re doing OK out there. There’s a lot going on, so keep praying for each other. Like how you want someone to pray for you. 🙂 Here’s a short stop for your week.

There’s two things about messes that can make us better –

It’s in the mess that we realize what matters.

It’s the mess that makes us remember.

Whether we’ve made it or whether it happened to us, a mess in any stage in life is inevitable. A mistake at work, a car crash, a financial fiasco, a rough relationship… whatever it is, I bet it taught you something. I bet it gave you a clearer picture of what you want and what you don’t want. It created an opportunity to regroup and realign after you remember how you felt in it.

That’s because messes teach us lessons we need for the next chapter. They can cleanse impurities from our spirits and prepare us for the road ahead. They can extract what could destroy our futures. As terrible as they are, they make us better… if we allow them.

Ask the Lord about the messes. Pray for guidance to not repeat the mistakes. Engrave the lessons learned on your heart’s tablet. Allow the Peace of God to pour over the wound and set your eyes to being a better version of yourself.

Peace & Thanks for listening! Stay well out there and you are loved!

March 16, 2022 0

Wednesday Wind Down: Appreciate Your Attributes

Hi, Family!

How are you? I hope you’re doing well out there.

I missed connecting with you while I was out. It feels good to be on an upswing and back on the page.

I thought about what I would say and the only thing that kept resurfacing was love, more specifically how to love yourself. Yes, Valentine’s Day is approaching, but that doesn’t mean that all of the love has to pour out and leave you behind. Plus, it sounds great, but sometimes you need night lights to lead you in the best direction.

Loving myself has been a journey with several moving pieces. I loved the parts that I loved, but it took work over the years to love the parts that were quirky, annoying, and confusing. When I was child, a constant question was “Lord, why did you make me like this?” I didn’t hate myself, but I disliked the parts that didn’t make sense to me. Being in what Jane Fonda calls the “second act” of life – between 30 and 60 years of age – has brought with it a deeper sense of self. A deeper understanding of what makes me an exceptional Creation of God. A sweeter Peace that passes all understanding.

In January, there’s natural talk about goals, developing new habits, healthy decisions, new career moves… things you will activate in the new year. I want you to consider a February resolution – to embrace every part of yourself.

My challenge is for every month of the year, I want you to locate and ask God to illuminate part of your design – your purposeful DNA, your spiritual architecture. If once a month is too daunting, just start with this month and see how it goes. You may even focus on the same attribute for a while. That’s OK. It’s not about quantity here; it’s about the quality of self you were designed to live with.

In your stillness, ask “OK, what is it about me that you made that is meant to multiply? What is it about me that is meant to elevate this world before I leave?” Maybe it’s your ability to make others feel comfortable in your presence or your ability to navigate difficult situations. Maybe when you hug people, they feel comforted. It could be your expressive nature that empowers others to lift their hearts, their voices, and their actions. Whatever it is, it’s important. It’s vital to this life down here.

We are often asked to cherry-pick our attributes and sometimes they bleed into stressful situations. I believe there is more than one thing that is awesome about you and I’m asking for you to begin learning how to love all of them. All of you. Starting this month.

Notice your design. Notice your stellar nature. Notice how God carefully created you.

While I pray nothing bad happens to bring out your awesomeness, the truth is crap happens. And sometimes it happens in clusters, to good people, at inconvenient moments, etc. So, if you naturally give comic relief in sensitive moments, embrace that. The more you illuminate how God made you and recall how He sees you, it will strengthen you when feel like you don’t have purpose and that you aren’t fearfully and wonderfully made. Because you really are.

My prayer is that you see yourself as different pieces that make up a mosaic, a beautiful piece of art… and I say that intentionally because we’re all a piece that’s designed to work together (1 Corinthians 12). Instead of boxing yourself as being one-dimensional or ordinary, I would like for you to ask God to show you what He made.

I love y’all! Peace & Thanks for listening!

February 10, 2022 1

Sunday Special: Processing

Happy Sunday, Family!

I hope you had the weekend you needed!

Christmas is my favorite holiday, but I’ll be honest with you (because we keep it authentic around here), I was unsure how it would go this year. There was a nervousness attached to it because this has been a season of processing a pendulum swing of intensities.

I gained wisdom.
I lost 8 loved ones due to death.
I acquired insight.
I lost a dream.
I gained stronger relationships.
I lost ties I thought I had.
I developed a deeper love for myself.

Sweet and bitter. That was the mix I couldn’t bypass. I tried, but it didn’t work. I screamed in both victory and in anguish this year and frankly, the velocity of the pendulum swing was nauseating. As we speak, I cried tears of appreciation and grief in less than 5 minutes. So, I paused, prayed, made some hot tea, and returned to writing this post. A post for processing smiles and frowns and to let you know you are not alone.

It’s OK to be excited about a new home, new family member, or new career venture, and yet be nervous your stewardship of it. I’m crazy enough to believe that God can handle that dichotomy of emotions.

You may not be finished processing everything, and that’s OK too. It truly is. Don’t let anyone stamp an expiration date on your journey; only God knows when and how. The Holy Spirit can walk you through a season until it is digested and He’ll even give you certain hands to hold along the way.

I also want to stand with you and say “You made it.” You made it through one of the most intimate holidays of the year! Keep breathing through the rough patches and celebrating the good parts. That’s what Christianity truly is. It’s giving God our broken pieces instead of hiding them and it’s appreciating His divine communion as we take one step at a time.

Process it, Family. Everything doesn’t bounce off you and everything shouldn’t stick to you either. Digest as you need it so you won’t be imprisoned by it. That’s what I’m doing… and it’s working.

Peace & Thanks for listening. I love y’all and stay well out there!

Written in honor of Alana, Kevin, Courtney, George, Mrs. Packer, Brian, Aunt Janice, Mr. Larry, Deacon Welch, Daddy Wade. I am so grateful to have experienced this life with you. You will forever be missed.

December 26, 2021 0

#blogbetter: How to Mistreat Yourself

Hi, Family!

During my teaching career, I showed a presentation called “How to Fail Ms. Wade’s Class.” It was my way of warning students of expecting positive outcomes after engaging in negative academic habits.

It’s a simple mirage that dupes so many – my bad habits will produce positive results. Well, since last fall, I’ve been rearranging some emotional furniture and excavating unnecessary items. One of them being mistreating myself. Overall, my self-care is sufficient but I didn’t allow it to evolve. I didn’t allow the strategies to stretch so they could breathe into my current stage of womanhood. So, from my personal vault, here are three ways to mistreat yourself in hopes that you sincerely stop the madness. None of these behaviors will yield the best you, so here we go –

Tell yourself you have infinite strength. Say it every time you’re tired. Every time you don’t get enough sleep. Every time you know you don’t ask for help. Tell yourself that you don’t need to power up. Tell yourself that you’re weak or lazy when you need rest and rejuvenation. After all, if you don’t show up for everything at all the times, you’re a terrible person, right?
Morph yourself to fit into the mold of others. Squeeze all of your awesomeness into every size of person that comes into your life. Like a shoe that is too small or a suit that is too large, your shape shifting will be uncomfortable, but you’ll get used to it. In most cases, it will serve you well because you’ll be well liked. In other situations, it will blowback as you miss the mark, but you’ll readjust and figure out what works to mask your true self.
Lastly, break promises to yourself… often. Big or small, a promise to yourself is the closest thing you have to making laws. Think of your body, soul, and spirit as your personal Congress where your resolutions are scarce. Who cares about having peace with your decisions and camaraderie among the three branches of you? Who cares about prioritizing what God speaks over your life? Tell yourself everything and honor nothing. It will sharpen your self-deprecation skills and reinforce #1 and #2 – that’s a win-win.

*Photo by Yaroslav Shuraev on Pexels.com*

See how ridiculous these sound? How can we expect a beautiful version of ourselves if we engage in habits that tear us down? Did one, two, or all of these apply to you? If this list was a mirror, negative results are coming. A discouraged and unhappy you is coming soon or is already in the seat of your heart. I pray the Love of God washes over you like a refreshing shower. And it’s OK if you to allow Love to cleanse you more than once. That’s how Christianity works. We are renewed daily by dying daily to decaying actions. There’s no shame in messy progress.

Peace & Blessings to your day. Much Love to your journey. As always, thanks for listening. Treat yourself like you would treat someone you love… because you should Love yourself like God loves you.

November 27, 2021 0

#blogbetter: Lessons Learned

Hi, Family!

Thanks for joining me for the first entry of the See Jane Write #blogbetter challenge (formerly #bloglikecrazy)! That Friday surprise didn’t work out, but it’s coming! Until then, here I am with a Tuesday post instead of a Wednesday, so let’s chat a minute!

One of the hardest things to do is to accept the truth after lying to yourself. Your cozy chrysalis breaks open and you’re exposed to the air. Truthful, piercing air. The kind of experience that creates a huge breath of freedom. That’s how the following lessons arrived in my life and I’m so glad they did.

📝LESSON #1 – Stop expecting others to act like you.

Have you found yourself caring about someone and not experiencing reciprocity? Same here. Sweet gestures simply weren’t enough to crack the code to their heart space. It doesn’t matter if the relationship is platonic or romantic, it hurts. I pray those moments do not happen often for you, but when they do, remind yourself of Lesson #1 – Stop expecting others to act like you.

You may extend yourself in ways that others do not. It doesn’t mean that your heartstrings are defective. It doesn’t mean you are too nice, too helpful, too considerate… too anything. I’ve heard it all and worn all the stickers.

You are you for a divine purpose on this Earth. They are them; you are you. Separate what God tells you to do from who they are and how they may receive it. Once you get that Truth serum in your spirit, the heartbreak of caring for others will start to melt. When you do something for someone and you only hear from them when they need something (you know how that goes), it will hurt less over time. You’ll remember the reason for your extension of Love is just that… Love. Every time I have extended Jesus’ hands to someone, God has always returned that Love to me somehow. The law of the harvest is not a lie. The pain from not receiving the Love you give can cause your heart to rot; it’s not worth it. God made that heart to hug others, so let it flow… unapologetically.

Quick Sidebar: The crazy thing about this lesson is that it applies to petty people too. You may dish out gossip, but that doesn’t mean the other party will do the same. Let that prick your petty heart the next time you mistreat someone.

📝LESSON #2 – Your words will outlive you.

When someone dies, the first warmth I feel is from their words. Whatever they said, I grasp on and hold tightly, pulling that blanket up to my chin then over my head to bathe in their presence. I remember moments, not things. Even if I hold an item of theirs, their words and the moments flood me. If words are so potent, it is imperative that we leave as many good ones behind as possible. Those are the kind of seeds I want to be remembered by.

📝LESSON #3 – Progress isn’t pretty.

Perfection is cute. It has a nice little bow and a sweet fragrance. It beams beneath the limelight of filtered social media posts. Perfection is what we aspire to obtain, but what you really need is progress. She is treated like the ugly stepsister when she’s really the star.

Progress isn’t pretty but she’s necessary. When you see an artist’s work or an athlete’s performance, you may not see Progress. She usually brings a cocktail of sweat, tears, financial stress, doubt, with a splash of dreaming on the rocks. All of that stuff in that glass may taste terrible, but just like medicine (not the cocktail up there), it will make you better. Progress improves us on the way to excellence. So, drink up!

📝 LESSON #4 – There are people in the Bible just like me.

One of the best lessons I learned is that every feeling I have felt has been felt by someone in the Bible. If I’m frustrated, I can read about David or Job. If leadership is feeling a little heavy, I can read about Moses and Joshua. When I feel like a mountain is in front of me, I can read about Jesus.

The Bible is not an archaic book of fiction to me. It hosts examples for my everyday life, examples of people that were fragile just like me… examples of imperfection, love, and miracles wrapped up in one place. Reading about their experiences helps me see myself when times are difficult.

Peace & Blessings, Family! As always, thank you for listening!

Were any of these lessons helpful to you? Let me know in the comments and on social media (when I post it there later today). Stay well out there and I love you!

November 9, 2021 0

Wednesday Wind Down: I Love Me Some You!

Hi, Family!

While I do “love me some you,” I wrote that phrase as an example of how you should talk to yourself. Here’s a short stop for your week.

When was the last time you spoke kind words to yourself?

If it’s been a while, try these truths.

I am a masterpiece.
I am a blessing.
My breath has meaning.

Tonight’s post is a quick reminder that being kind to yourself is vital to your health. Like a relaxing shower, speaking love over yourself is what you need after defending your worth in various arenas. It’s the medicine you can’t depend on anyone else to give you except God.

Maybe you’re wondering why I said “some.”

The colloquialism “I love me some you” is expressed when you can’t get enough of someone and you love to swim in their presence. The truth is most folks need a little time to love all of themselves. All of the ugly parts. The unfinished places. The scrapes and bruises. The dark corners. It takes the unmatched Love of God to love all of that and multiply that Love among others. Until that time comes, I encourage you to look in the mirror and say positive things. Start with one sentence if you have to – one word even. Say sweet words your soul can eat. It doesn’t have to be cheesy, but it needs to be real. A real step in forming a healthy habit.

Look at yourself and speak the Truth to you. That you were made by an incredible Love this universe can not contain but left undeniable proof in the form of your awesomeness.

Here’s to you smiling at you. Sooner than later.

Peace & Thanks for listening. I love you and stay well out there. Inside and out. 🙂

What’s a truth that you can or would like to speak to yourself?

October 21, 2021 0

Listening at the Speed of Life

– by C. J. Wade –

Tag

Good Day, Monday: See It Through

Good Night, Tuesday: Double Entendre

Wednesday Wind Down: Underwear, Overlook

Wednesday Wind Down: Appreciate the Mess

Wednesday Wind Down: Appreciate Your Attributes

Sunday Special: Processing

#blogbetter: How to Mistreat Yourself

#blogbetter: Lessons Learned

📝LESSON #1 – Stop expecting others to act like you.

📝LESSON #2 – Your words will outlive you.

📝LESSON #3 – Progress isn’t pretty.

📝 LESSON #4 – There are people in the Bible just like me.

Wednesday Wind Down: I Love Me Some You!

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– by C. J. Wade –

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